Scarlett Ward lay staring at the red glowing numbers in the darkness. 3:30 a.m. glared back at her, almost screaming silently, “You have only 3 more hours left with your husband before he leaves!” Her heart sank and she took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. She knew if she cried now, she might not be able to stop. Besides, she had to pull it together and be strong for her husband and four children. After all, she was an Army wife! Deployments were a way of life, inevitable, an almost dreaded sentence if you will. Scarlett just wanted this day to end, heck she just wanted the next 15 months to fly by. She always told herself, “The sooner he leaves, the sooner he gets back!” However, no matter how many times she repeated this, she knew that it was never easy to say good bye. Her job was to try and mottle herself and her family thru the next few hours with a face of bravery. But inside, she was terrified!
Brett interrupted her thoughts as he turned towards her in the bed. “You okay?” he asked. She swallowed hard before answering, “I will be.” She said quietly. Brett wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled deep into his chest. She could hear his heart beating as he held her. The tears began to fall and she quietly said a prayer asking God to please not let this be the last time he would hold her. Her emotions began to flood out of her and she felt so weak and helpless. She almost felt guilty at first because it was Brett who had the right to be scared, after all, he was the one going to war in a foreign country! But for some reason all she could do was think of herself. Brett stroked her hair and wiped her tears as they fell. He said nothing but just held her close. Somehow, that was enough for Scarlett. She knew she would gather the strength and courage and her "suck it up and drive on attitude" would kick in, it always did. But for now, the silence was the best comfort.
In fact, I remember Craig's last deployment so clearly. That morning, I was laying in bed watching him put on his uniform and gather the last articles he needed to pack. I was holding back the tears because I knew that if I cried, I might not stop. I always wanted him to see me brave because I felt it would make it easier on him. For me, no matter how many times you have been through a deployment, it is always hard to say goodbye. In fact, to me the goodbye is the hardest part. Like I said, grace kicks in the moment he leaves and some how we do it. God always equips the call!
It is as if God scoops me up and carries me. Thank GOD, because it feels that way! Anyways, back to the morning Craig left. So, as I watched him, of course, I was feeling sorry for myself and trying to capture his every moment, as if to somehow capture him in my hall of memories inside my head, so that I can revisit him frequently. That day though, I heard the Lord speak to me as I watched my soldier get ready for his mission. The Lord said clearly to me, "Craig is putting on his uniform to do the mission I called him to do, SO now you need to put yours on and get to duty too!"
At first, I wanted to tell the Lord, "Uh, this is my party and I will cry if I want to, leave me alone to my self pity!" But if you know God like I do, HE NEVER leaves you alone-LOL! In fact, HE is really good at pushing us past our weaknesses and challenging us to lean and trust HIM!
Let's face it, if God left it to us to change ourselves, we would never do it. Deployments are hard, no doubt, but the end result can bring wonderful personal growth. I know, I know, there may be some of you who are reading this and saying, "Whatever, if I need change then there are other ways!" Believe me, I know. I am not one who is into physical or emotional turmoil. In fact, if I can dodge either, I am so there!
My point is this, Scarlett in my story had a point, her "suck it up and drive on" attitude is her way of dying to herself and doing what ever it was to get the job done! Sometimes that is exactly what the Lord requires us to do.To take the focus off ourselves and on Him and whatever it is He needs for us to do. Please know I am not saying God is not interested in your feelings and struggles, no way. He most definitely is! But He is more interested in showing you who HE can be to you during this difficult time and what He can do in you and through you too! Sometimes, we want to avoid those opportunities altogether. But it is in those times that we are strengthned and graciously taken to the next level of our faith.
Our attitude and choices we make in the midst of trial can be the key to our success. It is a choice you have, your mind is a powerful tool. Focusing on God and putting Him in the driver's seat of your mind can steer you into victory. Jesus was the perfect example of this, HE endured the most grueling physical and emotional pain there was, but He was determined to "suck it up and drive on" because it was what God was requiring of Him. His faith and obedience took Him beyond his pain and even himself. His eyes were fixed on the greater call, the call to die to self and to serve others , yes even in our pain. But here is the thing, you are not alone! Nor are you required to endure it all by yourself.
There is a God who is willing and able to take it on for you, but you have to give HIM the opportunity to show you He is faithful! So, the next time you want to throw your fits and complain and whine in your situation, I would dare challenge you to CHRIST! Let's get real with ourselves, sometimes it is easier to stay in our pain or trial then it is to rise up and fight and be the women we are called to be! Change takes work and a lot of courage. Believe me, I know.
But, I have learned to bow the knee in pain because without it, I would not have had so much victory and healing in my life. We have to face those giants and knock them down where it counts. We do this with faith and obedience. Keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus keeps them off us and all those lies that the devil likes to throw our way.
So, the next time you start to feel sorry for yourself , or you find yourself complaining, I pray that you would remember to put your uniform on, get your game face on and get CROSSeyed!
It really is that easy when you are equipped by the Equipper!
Have a blessed weekend!
Check out- http://herwarhervoice.com (support military spouses)
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