"Flying is for the Birds!" Learning to Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome- by Kimchi Blow

“Flying is for the Birds!”

Learning to Deal with Empty Nest Syndrome.

   Most birds can’t fly until their muscle structure has had time to develop completely. In the meantime, the nest becomes their entire world. Baby birds generally develop a psychological dependence which must be overcome. Their parents begin to teach their babies the importance of flying by remaining a short distance away from the nest during feeding. If the young birds are to survive, they must step away from the nest. More than likely, this means a few hard falls to the ground followed by a long trip back to the safety of the nest where the parents are there for security and more lessons to follow.

Eventually, all of this practice does teach the hatchling about the mechanics of flight. Falls to the ground become less and less as the hatchling learns to stretch its wings to eventually fly. Bird parents continue to encourage their offspring to leave the nest for longer periods of time. Some species actually adopt a tough love policy, leaving the fledglings alone to develop their own flying instincts.

There is something to be considered about the process of Mother Nature and birds learning to fly. As human parents we can definitely relate to the progression in our children. Recently, my oldest daughter left the nest to go live with her father. It was much sooner than I had anticipated but at the same time, I knew it was the right thing for her to do. The day she left was like going through a slow torture in my heart. My emotions were all over the place. Anxiety, doubt, fear, sadness, and hope were just some. It took everything I had that day to put her on a one way trip to Illinois, but somehow it happened.

At the airport, I kept seeing little girls with their mothers.  Memories of her being a toddler overwhelmingly came flooding back to me. The question I kept asking myself was, “Where did the time go?” Sixteen years have come and gone! It just didn’t seem possible that she would be graduating in another year and without me there to see it all unfold.  The plan was for her to be with me but as life circumstances would have it, my plans got foiled.

The airport speaker announced her flight number and the dreaded boarding call began. I just wanted to keep looking at her, studying every detail on her face, like I did the day she was born. I couldn't believe that she was truly all mine! There we stood before she boarded the plane,  myself holding back the tears and choking back the fear of letting go. She then reached over to comfort  me and asked, “You okay?”  I wanted to scream, “No, I am not!” Because the truth was, I wasn’t! My life was changing quickly before me and I couldn’t control it but somehow I had to accept and embrace it! But, why? Ironically, it was the same question that she had asked me over the years  when things in her life were spinning out of control.

So, why do we have to let go and let God at times? Why do we have to learn to trust Him with the issues of our hearts? Why do we have to let our children go one day? All of these questions are certainly pertinent, but are there any real answers? I think I could probably spend a life time trying to figure out the “why's” but instead I would rather just let God deal in that area. My human mind can’t even begin  to fully understand the deep wells of our hearts and how life somehow intricately  flows through each pumping vessel, giving us all the complex emotions that make us human.

It has been only a week now since that emotional farewell. I have had moments of peace and comfort . Also,  of complete grief. Mostly though, I am just walking through the process that thousand of parents go through when rearing children, the letting go part. That is in fact the ultimate goal, isn’t it? From their birth to the point they leave the nest, it is about getting them to that place of independence. It starts when they are toddlers with walking away from you and progresses over the years to almost not needing you at all.  Who knew it would hurt as much as it does? I remember leaving home myself as a young adult. There was a sense of adventure and independence I was gaining. I had a “Nothing can stop me now!” attitude. Not once, did I ever stop to think about what my parents could be possibly feeling. As life would have it, here I stand as a rite of passage , a parent, experiencing the cycle of life.

Looking back on my childrens' childhood I am grateful that I have had so many wonderful ,  precious memories. I still have 3 at home and lucky me, I get to do this saga again! Each one of my children is so unique and hold promises of exciting things ahead. It is a blessing to witness daily the miracle of life complete itself.  Children in the end are the biggest teachers, aren’t they? They have taught me a lot about life , myself, my strengths and more so my weaknesses. I am grateful for the lessons learned and the ones still to come.

I know it has only been a short time since I have entered into this new chapter as a parent, but I am facing it like I try to face most things, with vigor, hope and perseverance. Kayla will be back one day and I am looking forward to the new role I will play in her life. I am still her mother, but there is another level of intimacy still to experience. I may not be there for her every heart break or to greet her in the morning before her day begins, but I believe I am with her where it counts the most, in her heart and mind.

The Word of God tells us to train a child in the way they should go, and they shall not depart from it.(Proverbs 22:6) By faith, I have to believe that I did the best I could with the time I was given with all my children. I am sure there will be days she will feel lonely in life and maybe even hopeless, but my prayer is that the she will remember what her mother did in her times of trial. She cried out to the Lord for strength.

As parents, we only want to see our children prosper. We want to see them be the people God created them to be. Sometimes that may not look like what we had planned for them but again, we have to trust the greater parent at work here, the Heavenly One. God knows their end from the beginning. He had my children in mind before the foundations of this world were ever set in place. He loves them more then I could even dare to imagine to. In the end, they were a loan from Him, the investment was high but I know the dividends will pay off later. Like life, parenting is a journey with many twists and turns and sometimes even hidden detours, but we can be assured that the journey is worth it.  I leave you with this encouragement,  be confident  of this, one day when the time comes for your child or children to get  on that airplane, have peace in knowing, they too will fly!......by Kimchi L. Blow