My divided heart
Psalms 86:11-12
11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
Last night as I read this scripture I thought, wow, what an amazing jewel that is hidden in the WORD. I know I’ve read it before but for whatever reason it never really caught my eye like it did last night. I went to bed thinking of it and I woke up this morning thinking of it.
As Christians we are saved by accepting the free gift of life through Jesus Christ and by being united with him in his death. After this event occurs in our Christian walk, we begin the life long process of santicification. This is when the Holy Spirit really begins to work on us and transforms us into a better, purer picture of what Christ really is and who we really are in him. It is a life long process and I believe it will only be complete once we enter heaven.
This process is being spoken about us Ps 86:11-12. An undivided heart… I know that most Christians would say that their heart was 100% for Christ. And while yes that is our intention, it is not always what happens. In Romans, Paul speaks about a struggle. A struggle between his flesh and his spirit. He wants to do what is right but finds himself doing the very thing he doesn’t want to do. Romans 7:15 says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do,I do not do, but what I hate, I do”.
For me this is what sanctification is all about. I want to be more like Christ. I want to love unconditionally like him, I want to forgive immediately like him, I want to accept others like him without condemnation and judgment, I want to accept myself like him, seeing the goodness and the greatness of his plan in my life. But at times I have to admit that I am my own worst enemy. My heart is divided. I want these things, I want to be these things but yet oftentimes they are not. My flesh rises up and I get angry and I judge others and I don’t always trust him. Thank goodness for his mercy and grace and his faithfulness. He always brings me to repentance. I just see more clearly now the times when my flesh is waging war against the Holy Spirit that lives in me, because my heart is divided. If my heart wasn’t divided then there would be no war. There would be no need for war and for the struggle. But God is faithful.
In Deut 6:5 ,we are commanded to Love the Lord our God with ALL our heart with all our soul and with all our strength. In Ps 86:12, we are called to praise him with all of our heart”. Yet how can we do this if our heart is divided. That’s where this sanctification process comes in. God uses these moments of struggle to show us where our heart is divided. In Matt 6:24, we are taught that we can’t serve two masters. So how can we love the Lord our God with all our heart as commanded if we are at war within our own selves battling a divided heart? That’s where God comes in! Thank you Jesus! It is in these times that God uses this situation to show us where our heart is divided. If we are never shown where this lays deep within our own heart how we can ever be restored to a heart 100% in love with Christ and willing to do his will whatever the cost.
Let me explain in a more practical sense. Right now in my life, I am going through a period of testing that at times can be difficult and at other times easy. My husband and I want to have to children as it is a God ordained desire of our hearts. However, after a 1 ½ of trying we still haven’t received this promise blessing in our lives yet!!! Throughout this process God has shown me in so many ways how divided my heart truly is. Is my heart sold out to what I really want, which is right now to be a mother, or is it sold out to Christ? At times I have wanted to shout at God because it seems like for others this is so easily obtained for them and for me it’s not. My mind doesn’t understand. He has truly asked me, will I still serve him even if I never have children? And for a long time I didn’t want to answer that question because I didn’t want to entertain the idea of not having children. Don’t get me wrong…I Know what God has promised me and I will NEVER LET GO of my promise from him. However, I have finally come to the place where what I truly what is Him. Yes, even if I never have children, I will still serve him! No matter what else happens I need him. And yes at times my heart is still divided. But that is when I choose to say, I will not listen to my flesh, I will do and say and most of all be who God is calling me to be- A child who is patiently waiting and walking in obedience no matter the outcome.
What is your heart divided over? What have you placed before your God? We know this answer deep within ourselves. I believe God can’t release certain blessings in our lives until he knows that we can handle it. What blessing are you waiting on that could possibly have become an idol in your life? Are you willing to lay it down and say “Lord, I trust you and I know you have a good plan for my life. I don’t want my heart to be divided over this matter any longer. Lord ,though there’s pain in this offering Lord I give it to you.”
If there wasn’t pain in the offering then your heart was divided over it. I’m not saying to give up on your promises…NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR PROMISES! I’m just saying to give them back to the Lord. He is faithful and will release them to you right on time. He is faithful to complete the work that which was started on you the very first day he gave you life.
I leave you with the words to a familiar worship song. “ And I will worship you with all of my heart. I will worship you with all of my mind, I will worship you with all of my strength. You are my LORD, you are Lord!”
Let’s pray:
Lord, today whatever it is that our heart so desires, Lord it doesn’t compare to you. Lord , today we choose to have our hearts sold out to you. We remember your promises to us in our lives and we trust you with them. WE will no longer fret over them, worry over them, and try to make them happen in our own strength. Lord, we surrender our hearts desires to you. Lord, we know that you are the only one who is truly able to give us joy in our hearts. Please help us to accept that joy today despite whatever situations we may be facing today. You alone are the one who can answers our hearts desire. Lord, today we choose to set our hearts, minds and strength on you today. Help us to focus on you and what you would have us do this day. In your son’s name, Jesus Christ, our savior, we pray.
Waiting patiently, waiting strong
Amanda Gonzales
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